Of late I have been measured. The verdict: I am severely lacking: lacking as a wife, lacking as a mother, lacking as a family member, lacking as a volunteer, lacking as a business owner, lacking as a human being. I’ve been overpowered, outnumbered, insufficient, inept, and downright melancholy, to be honest.
A delightful person, whom I cherish, commented to me once that it seemed so easy for me to be so vulnerable with people and share, about my inadequacies, about life issues. How did I get there? I was brought to a place by being hard pressed and struck down, to the point where I surrendered my pride and fear of judgement at the foot of an all-redeeming cross. One may perceive this of that as a bad thing, the letting go of pride, but in that process something beautiful happened.
I got a story. I got a purpose. I got a mission.
I came to understand that one of the reasons for my existence was to boast of my weakness, because when I am weak, then, THEN I am strong. I can walk around with my head held high, in spite of my past and present issues, wrong decisions, or terrible behavior. Why? Because my life is not about me…it never was intended to be about me. My life holds a much higher purpose and calling than, well, me.
When the world brandishes its measuring stick it sees me as a mom who loses her temper, as a volunteer who doesn’t do what she is supposed to, as a wife who neglects her husband, and as a family member who forgets birthdays, doesn’t call after surgeries, and other important events (yeah, sometimes I really blow it). It paints a picture of a business owner who has made tough and sometimes wrong decisions, and quite frankly, it exposes those who have suffered due to my inadequacies: kids, husband, family, employees, those whom I serve in volunteer aspects, and many others. “What a wretched man that I am!?”
So yes, I have been hard pressed, perplexed, struck down. I have messed up, stirred up wrath, neglected obligations, you name it. But I was never alone, never destroyed, never defeated. In my repentance and requests for forgiveness I was made new.
The One who never leaves takes me by the hand, although I have done these things, although I have been measured and found lacking, and says
“My grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.”
This makes me unashamed to put a picture with no makeup, overweight, no hairdo, and 33 year old crow’s feet out for the world to see (which, let’s face it, folks, is how I normally look anyway). This makes me walk, head high, despite my shortcomings. It has nothing to do with me. It is because His grace is sufficient for me, for even me!
Therefore, like Paul, I will boast all day long of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. For when I am weak, that’s when I am strong.
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